


Happier

by thesassykels66



Category: Dan Howell and Phil Lester - Fandom, Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: Break Up, Ex, F/M, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Sadness, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 09:54:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10160615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you. But ain't nobody need you like I do. I know there's others that deserve you, but darling I am still in love with you. But I guess you look happier.





	

**Author's Note:**

> -Inspired by Ed Sheeran's new song Happier. (Listen while reading for the full experience of you wish)

The thing they don't tell you about dating Dan Howell is how from one moment he can make you feel on top of the world, and then turn it around make you feel as grungy as the dirt we walk on. 

It started in Paris. Our first holiday away from family, just us against the world, but something about him was off. We were drifting already, and it was mutual. He would never caress the back of my head like he used to. He never allowed me to make him feel better. In tourist spots he would be glued to his phone trying to get reception. Paying extra for high speed hotel internet. What the hell was he constantly doing on that damn computer? Why did he bring it with us? 

The fights drew out more normal than we liked. In supermarkets, at my mum's house, even in the park that one time. We just didn't get each other anymore. He was drifting away from me. A part of me was dying and I couldn't figure out why. But I knew I could never get him back. 

It was a month after we had split when I saw him again. In such absolute shock that I stood frozen. He was with someone, in their arms. Caressing my Dan I never was able to. Clutching onto their flannel shirt like his life depended on it. Kissing Dan's temple that I was never able to reach standing. Both their hands sliding into their falling jeans pockets. Walking in set rhythm we were never able to obtain. 

He was with a boy. 

He looked happier. 

I saw them again a few weeks later in a pub up north. They were in the corner; Dan's cheeks already growing rosy like they did. He said something to make him laugh. Their smiles already twice as wide as ours ever were. Sipping a cider through a straw like in those cliche movies. 

I sat at the bar and pondered. Making the stranger next to me talk nonsense as I ordered a drink off him. Slowly catching glances of the boy who still owned my heart, kissing another boy. 

I promised myself I wouldn't take it personal. I knew it was the reason we ended. That's the thing they didn't tell you about break ups; they could move on faster than you sometimes. My friends told me that I'd feel it too one day. Whether it be the stranger who keeps wanting me plastered, or someone new. Someone as exciting as he looked for Dan. But I was hiding those feeling in my beer, swallowing the thought that I was happier with him. 

My friends took me to the place where we had our first date. They didn't intend to, but I couldn't help my thoughts wander. He and I would sit in the corner of the room, listening to songs from Evanescence and Coldplay. Nursing that already empty bottle we snuck in as we were still underage. 

I made my friends take shots with me until they couldn't walk in their converse. We sat in the lookout and I watched the lamps flicker like they always did. Forcing my mind to go somewhere else, somewhere where it wasn't knowing that he was happier. 

I remember the arguments we had, how badly I hurt him a few times. Knowing right where it would sting the most. The territories I never should have brought up. Remembering him slamming my door and knowing he was walking away with tears hiding behind his straightened fringe. How our spots on MySpace changed. How friends got caught up in our relationship. Calling him "fag" and "queer" until eventually it slipped out of my mouth one day. 

Those days were gone, how come I still felt like I needed him? I wanted him back. But I couldn't ever get him back. There were others that deserved him better than I did. I wished I could call him and say, "baby, I'm still in love with you" 

But, I guess he looked happier. 

One night, out of the blue, he texted me:  
"Erin, I know things are a bit of a mess right now, but I still have some of your stuff at my house. Can I come by?" It made my heart jump out of my chest. Wearing my best attempt of trying to get a renewed relationship, I opened the door. He was standing in sprinkling rain, holding a bag of my things. 

His eyes were brighter, freckles around his nose and lips I had never seen before. His lips were chapped but that never changed. Except, they were swollen and pink, knowing that someone else had their lips on them. He gave me a shy smile handing me the bag of a few items that didn't matter anymore. "You look happier" I told him. 

He chuckled, sweeping his hair out of his eyes, "thanks. I guess I am." He paused and studied me as I let him into my front room so he didn't have a chill. "You're looking well" I could tell he was lying. I wanted to break. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "listen..." my voice wavered, "there's no way for me to accept this so easily. So I'm just going to say this." I locked with his beautiful brown eyes again. Shimmering in the dullness of my house lights, "I knew you would fall for someone new. But if he ever breaks your heart, like how lovers tend to do, know that I'll be waiting here for you." I tried to chuckle, but ended up in a light sob. 

He smiled down at me, embracing me in a warm side hug that did not help. He then told me goodbye, and that was it. I never saw him again that wasn't anywhere else besides my Facebook feed. Posting weird videos with that guy who was locked around his arm. Being happy. Being someone who he always wanted to be. 

Dan Howell looked happier, but that's only because he simply was


End file.
